I love you, but…
I’m just going to come out and say it: WE NEED TO NORMALIZE SAYING NO TO SOMEONE ASKING YOU TO BE IN THEIR WEDDING.
I think it was the great Nancy Reagan who said “Just Say No”. Ok, she may have been talking about drugs, but it can apply to wedding season as well. I’ll be honest, I personally have never straight up said said no, but looking back, I wish I would have.
It may seem harsh, it may seem rude, but I think it’s high time we all take a step back and realize it might be ok to decline an invite to be a member of someone’s wedding party. It may feel like it, but it doesn’t mean you love the person any less. It doesn’t mean you aren’t happy for them and their love. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to celebrate with them. At least, it shouldn’t. With all the grand gestures and presentations people go through now-a-days to ask, it may seem like a slap in the face but I wish it didn’t.
Most friends are well aware and are probably expecting the question before their friend even gets a ring. That being said, maybe telling them before it even happens that you don’t want to be a bridesmaid is the way to go. I actually have done that, and it felt better than straight up saying no. The situation I was in was with a very dear friend who I love with all my boobs (I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger). She is a great person who has a shit ton of friends who all adore her, so I knew she wouldn’t be short on bridesmaids. I kindly asked her to not ask me, as I was amid the whirlwind of being in my brother’s wedding, and I was kind over the bridesmaid thing. Selfish? Maybe. But my intentions were not malicious.
I did feel bad because a little while later, someone else asked me and I said yes. But honestly, she asked me via text, and told me my only job was to show up and get drunk, and that I can do. She has already planned everything, including the bachelorette herself, so all I gotta do is get a dusty sage dress and drink some wine.
Again, it is the bride’s day, so only say no if you really really mean it. If she’s a real friend, she will completely understand your reasons. Maybe you don’t have the money. Maybe you have anxiety about the whole thing. Maybe you just think she could give that spot to someone more suited. Whatever your reasons are, it’s ok to say no.
