GO ON, GIT!

Was I inspired to write this post after watching a segment on the Tonight Show where he says goodbye to things and told Save The Dates to “Go On, Git”? You betchya

Everyone is entitled to include or exclude whatever traditions they want in their special day. If you want to do them all, or none of them, great, it’s your prerogative. These days there are a lot of unique and cool things people are doing for the big event, but there are some standards that seem pretty pointless. And honestly, some of the new ones suck too.

Here are some wedding traditions and fads that I think should go on, GIT!:

• Save The Dates. Jimmy Fallon had some very good thoughts on this, and I never understood the point of them. It’s like, when did invitations become a two part event? Put all the information on one piece of paper, use one envelope, use one stamp, and just be done with it. My fridge can’t handle much more and frankly I’m running out of magnets.
• 8,000 different poses when taking pictures. Don’t get me wrong, I will sit and look through every single photo you put on your Facebook when you get your photography back, but is most of it necessary? Sure isn’t. Why do we need to do 179 group pictures of the girls, 134 group pictures of the guys, the individuals, just the girls with the groom, just the guys with the bride, everyone jump on 3, now hold your bouquet in the air blah blah blah. In 10 years, are you going to sit and sift through the 700 photos the photographer sent you? Nope, you’re gonna look at the group shot you had printed and framed and not many more. Save your time and money.
• Dancing with the parents. Ok, I get it I get it, it’s been a thing since the dawn of time. But seriously, how awkward? Especially when done right after cocktail hour when everyone is seated and starring. And, why can’t the groom dance with his mom at the same time as the bride dances with her dad? I get that song selection is a big part of it and many people take it very seriously, but come the eff on. I love my dad, but the thought of slow dancing with him while everyone stares at us is downright unsettling.
• The Shoe Game. This one is a newer one I think. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of sitting through it, the bride and groom go to the center of the dance floor and takeoff their shoes. They trade one so they’re both holding one of each shoe and they sit back to back. They are then asked the corniest questions you can think of: “Who is more likely to fall asleep during the movie”, “ Who does the dishes more?”, real basic shit like that and answer by raising the respective shoe. So dumb. I don’t think this one need an explanation, stop doing it, it’s a waste of everyone’s time.
• Bridal Showers. You want two fucking gifts from me? One on your wedding day, and one I have to watch you open while eating subpar food and drinking mimosas that have too much OJ in them? And then want me to play dumb games? F that. Especially nowadays when couples are already living together when they wed and have everything they need, please please please can we stop these?!?!? Please?

Again, do what you want, but just know that if you do any of the aforementioned traditions, I am seething in the back of the room, silently judging you and ruing the day you were born. No big deal.