Clink, Clank, Clunk

I know I already wrote about some wedding traditions I’d like to see left in the past, but this one is about a particular activity I wish never entered the wedding world to begin with.

Clinking your class with a piece of silverware to make the newlyweds kiss.

Now, once again I did a ton of seconds, some would say minutes, of research because I care about you, the reader. I couldn’t find anything explaining why or how this became a tradition at weddings. All I could find were alternatives to just the bride and groom smooching. These included making the original ‘clinker’ sing a love song, tell a story about the couple, or, my favorite; sink a beer pong cup in order for the couple to kiss. These are cute and all, but it doesn’t really rectify the reasoning for my hatred of the tradition.

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, and the clinking of glasses went off the rails. Every 2–3 minutes there was a table of rude as guests taking knife to flute to get the bride and groom to kiss. Now I’m sure some of you are thinking; Steph, why do you find this so rude and appalling? Surely wanting to see the happy couple show their love is endearing! Ok sure, but this was happening while the couple was trying TO EAT THEIR DINNER!!! Come on people! As I’ve written before, it is very important that they get this meal in so they are not drinking on empty stomachs at their own reception! And furthermore, they paid good money for this meal, what they don’t need is to be swapping spit with their new spouse after every bite. Frankly, that’s kind of gross.

So, in the future, as a wedding guest, please consider when you are going to clink your glass for the couple to kiss. Are they trying to shovel their meal down so they can come say hi to all the tables? Maybe give them a smooch break then. Or please please please consider not doing it at all.

And, if you are planning your wedding, sure; you could try a new tradition: such as making everyone who clinks their glass donate to a charity of your choice, or making the first clinker answer a trivia question about you kids, or I think there is one solution to eradicate the whole thing. No matter how formal and classy you want your wedding day to be. No matter how much you’ve spent to make every last detail extravagant and perfect, two words: PLASTIC EVERYTHING. Can’t create a clink with a plastic knife and a plastic cocktail glass!