And now, a word from the Maid of Honor…
You’ve done all the Maid of Honor duties; planned the bachelorette, helped with the shower, kept the peace between the bridesmaids, and got your girl down the aisle. Now it’s time to sit back, relax, and party. Wrong. You have one last order of business: the speech.
True story: it’s taken me longer to write this blog than it did to write my two MOH speeches combined. I wrote them both with a bit of a buzz, and by that I mean I was pretty drunk. I then woke up, edited and was done. It is because of that that I really don’t have much advice to give…
Just kidding, yes I do.
- KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Less is more. You have a captive audience, sure, but their minds are already on the dance floor. Short and sweet is best. It gets brutal for everyone in that ballroom when you drone on and on. If your speech is pages and pages, you have some editing to do. Give a speech at the bachelorette, at rehearsal dinner, break it up. But don’t bore those poor wedding guests with a speech longer than the ceremony.
- It’s all about balance. An embarrassing anecdote is fine, but not too embarrassing (or incriminating). Funny inside jokes, sure, but not too many so that you and the bride are the only ones laughing. A sprinkle of heartfelt emotion, but not too much that you’ll be a sobbing mess who can’t make it through the speech. Balance.
- Don’t forget about the groom! I’ve seen too many MOH’s give 20 minutes speeches that are all about the bride, and just end with a “he’s a lucky guy”. It’s tragic. Even if you don’t know him that well and don’t have any personal stories to tell, there are ways to address him while talking about the bride. “Be careful, Greg, she’s a shopper!” Ya know, corny shit like that.
- This one I cannot stress enough: DO NOT WING IT. I don’t care how good of a public speaker you think you are, if you try to go up day-of and give a speech anyone is gonna like, you will fail. It’s going to hit none of the above points of decent length or balance, and you’re gonna look dumb. Harsh, but true. You’re going to be more nervous than you thought, there’s going to be more people there than you remember seeing on the guest list, or worst of all, you’re going to be more drunk thank you planned on being. Even if you just have an outline or a list of talking points, bring some form of reference. And when typing it up, either on your phone or to print out, make each sentence or section it’s own paragraph. Nothing more boring than watching someone squint at their phone trying to figure out where they left off.
In conclusion, just be yourself. If you’re not that funny, don’t try. It will be painful for everyone. If you’re not that sentimental, don’t try, even the caterers won’t believe you. If you hate public speaking in general, google a good a wedding toast and be done with it. The bride will understand and her opinion, again, is the only one that matters.
